blondiesBEARista

I love to write and Sis Andi suggested I share my experiences of my grief and also how my new chapter in life is going since then. Every one is different in how they grieve! Just know that if you need to cry, do so! I allow myself to cry when I have to cry! Here is my tribute to my husband that I wrote when I was taking care of him in his last days here at home!

My poor husband has suffered off & on with cancer since 2001. He has finally got to the point where the treatments just aren’t working anymore.
He has elected to not continue to fight since the treatments aren’t doing any good. We brought him home to rest in his own environment until the Lord calls him home.
He is so very sweet even when he is very sick! We are being helped & guided by hospice to help us with his journey.
We are both very scared because of the unknown. My job is to make sure he is comfortable & not suffering as best we can.
It is so hard to watch someone you love suffering from the effects of cancer & try their best to beat it!
From the very beginning I have always been there for him & tried to be his angel wings & help him through it!
With this last test of life I didn’t know if I had the strength to get through this but it is a gift for my husband to be able to die with dignity in his own home rather that in a hospital in which he has seen far too many of those in his lifetime!
Out of all the hospitals he has endured – Knight Cancer Institute at Meridian Park Hospital has been the best for him! Meridian Park did their best to help him!
During my caring for my husband at this very difficult & scary time for the both of us – he put his hand on my face & said “I am glad that you are here”!
While he was in the hospital & I was home sleeping and being home to take care of the dog – even thought he was very ill he managed to squeeze out a text to ask how I was doing, if I was okay.
I will cherish those memories along with many, many more during out 7 years of marriage.
The poor guy hasn’t had much of a break since he had to go on disability because of the constant battle with cancer.
In the beginning he had warned me about his health issues. Because of our love we didn’t let it stop us & I always stepped up to the plate to help him!
As a movie quote goes: “I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special”! Quote from Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias!
Thank goodness that wonderful lasted 7 years of happiness!

Embrace the memories of your loved ones, don’t be afraid to grieve as you need to if you lose them! I have kept busy to keep depression at bay as best as possible! Loving my dog and my close friends helps so much! Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it!

Hugz Blondie and Boo Bear