It is with heart felt sadness that yesterday my husband passed away having lost his long time off and on fight to Hairy Cell Leukemia. The last resort treatment was not working and hubby was just so tired and wanted to just go home! With the help of Hospice he was able to die with dignity in his own home near Bear and Me and his Son.
Hospice was kind of scary for both of us because hubby felt the hospital was a security blanket but at the same time he wanted to be home. It was scary for me because I was the one taking care of him under the guidance of the Hospice staff. Plus to watch your loved one in discomfort is so scary but with the hospice and my care it is made sure he isn’t in any pain!
I was sort of prepared in the grieving process because we knew that this cancer would eventually get him. It still does not minimize my feelings of loss and sadness. I will be going through the entire grieving process I am sure!
Since Bear had to be in our room some of the time when equipment was being delivered and Hospice staff were here, Bear wasn’t able to get in his usual walks etc. He knew that daddy was sick, he was so good and very quiet around his papa and would lay by his bed to be near him!
Even though I was terrified of watching the death process occur, I wanted to step up to the plate for my husband and give him the greatest gift of me being there for him in his ultimate time of need!
Today Bear and I are resting and grieving and we were able to go out and get our walk in! Bear gets all of my attention now since he is my house buddy!
It is so hard when you have been with someone a long time and then all of a sudden they are gone! A time of adjustments and healing to begin.
Blondie and Boo Bear
blondiesBEARista 
So sorry to hear of your loss. Strength and blessings to you.
So sorry to hear of your loss, thinking of you. X x
I am sorry to learn of your loss. At least he died at home with those he loved next to him. My thoughts are with you.
Thank you sweetie
So very sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.
No one knows how it feels to lose someone so close, unless they have suffered that loss themselves. I can’t even imagine how it must feel. But I’m sure you have a little peace in knowing that he is no longer suffering. Nathan was a good man and fought a long, hard and tremendous battle. It was good that he had you by his side through all of this. My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Yes losing someone that close makes it so much harder. I sure hope he can see me from heaven and remember me! I had a wonderful life with him. Love you
Oh my. I am so so sorry. You have been so brave and were such a comfort helping your husband and being by his side to the end. No one could ask for more love and loyalty than this. I am so sorry for your loss and your grief. I am sending you love, friendship and hope for brighter days as you adjust to your new life with Bear. Please email me privately if there is anything I can do to help you. Sending you love, care & concern.
Thank you sweetie, I jotted down your email! Thank you for being such a wonderful blog friend! Hugs Lisa and Bear
There are no words I can say, just hugs. Take all the time you need to care for yourself now š
I know time will heal, I am embracing all the fond memories of my husband
You are in my prayers. I am so, so sorry. Lean on Bear, he knows all the things your heart is saying that words can’t express. Sending love to you.
Thank you sweetie, Bear gets extra attention cuz he misses papa too. He has been an angel of a dog through all of this
With deepest sympathy and condolences my virtual friend.
Thank you sweetie
Blondie, so sorry to learn about this! I did not see your post when you published it in November, because I was in Viet Nam at that time and did not have a computer with me.
That’s ok my friend! That is so cool you went to Vietnam Nam! I would love to go there sometime and experience the culture and the food! Hugs Lisa and Bear
I love you, honey. When I’ve had family and friend pass, I always find comfort in these words from Wordsworth:
A simple Child,
That lightly draws its breath,
And feels its life in every limb,
What should it know of death?
I met a little cottage Girl:
She was eight years old, she said;
Her hair was thick with many a curl
That clustered round her head.
She had a rustic, woodland air,
And she was wildly clad:
Her eyes were fair, and very fair;
āHer beauty made me glad.
āSisters and brothers, little Maid,
How many may you be?ā
āHow many? Seven in all,ā she said,
And wondering looked at me.
āAnd where are they? I pray you tell.ā
She answered, āSeven are we;
And two of us at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea.
āTwo of us in the church-yard lie,
My sister and my brother;
And, in the church-yard cottage, I
Dwell near them with my mother.ā
āYou say that two at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea,
Yet ye are seven! I pray you tell,
Sweet Maid, how this may be.ā
Then did the little Maid reply,
āSeven boys and girls are we;
Two of us in the church-yard lie,
Beneath the church-yard tree.ā
āYou run about, my little Maid,
Your limbs they are alive;
If two are in the church-yard laid,
Then ye are only five.ā
āTheir graves are green, they may be seen,ā
The little Maid replied,
āTwelve steps or more from my motherās door,
And they are side by side.
āMy stockings there I often knit,
My kerchief there I hem;
And there upon the ground I sit,
And sing a song to them.
āAnd often after sun-set, Sir,
When it is light and fair,
I take my little porringer,
And eat my supper there.
āThe first that died was sister Jane;
In bed she moaning lay,
Till God released her of her pain;
And then she went away.
āSo in the church-yard she was laid;
And, when the grass was dry,
Together round her grave we played,
My brother John and I.
āAnd when the ground was white with snow,
And I could run and slide,
My brother John was forced to go,
And he lies by her side.ā
āHow many are you, then,ā said I,
āIf they two are in heaven?ā
Quick was the little Maidās reply,
āO Master! we are seven.ā
āBut they are dead; those two are dead!
Their spirits are in heaven!ā
āTwas throwing words away; for still
The little Maid would have her will,
And said, āNay, we are seven!ā
______________________________________
They are always here. Always in our hearts. It’s just a temporary separation for you’ll be together again. Love…
Wow that is cool! Thank you for sharing this! Xoxoxo. I will print it
It’s what has gotten me through so many deaths. It reminds me that they are never gone…just away from a while. I think that’s why it always brings me peace when I read it. Nothing makes it truly easier, but I’ve always found that this reassures me that it’s only temporary. Love you!
Itās really hard when you lose your spouse! Whatās sad is guys from work hit on me just shortly after his death. I was like are you fricken serious? I had a ring custom made so I wonāt be bothered