Yesterday My Husband Lost His Fight to Cancer…

It is with heart felt sadness that yesterday my husband passed away having lost his long time off and on fight to Hairy Cell Leukemia. The last resort treatment was not working and hubby was just so tired and wanted to just go home! With the help of Hospice he was able to die with dignity in his own home near Bear and Me and his Son.

Hospice was kind of scary for both of us because hubby felt the hospital was a security blanket but at the same time he wanted to be home. It was scary for me because I was the one taking care of him under the guidance of the Hospice staff. Plus to watch your loved one in discomfort is so scary but with the hospice and my care it is made sure he isn’t in any pain!

I was sort of prepared in the grieving process because we knew that this cancer would eventually get him. It still does not minimize my feelings of loss and sadness. I will be going through the entire grieving process I am sure!

Since Bear had to be in our room some of the time when equipment was being delivered and Hospice staff were here, Bear wasn’t able to get in his usual walks etc. He knew that daddy was sick, he was so good and very quiet around his papa and would lay by his bed to be near him!

Even though I was terrified of watching the death process occur, I wanted to step up to the plate for my husband and give him the greatest gift of me being there for him in his ultimate time of need!

Today Bear and I are resting and grieving and we were able to go out and get our walk in! Bear gets all of my attention now since he is my house buddy!

It is so hard when you have been with someone a long time and then all of a sudden they are gone! A time of adjustments and healing to begin.

Blondie and Boo Bear

 

About blondie63

I love crochet, knitting, photography, dogs, cooking, baking, scrapbooking, music ,blogging and did I mention dogs? I also love to collect movies which is a big hobby of mine!
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21 Responses to Yesterday My Husband Lost His Fight to Cancer…

  1. notewords says:

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Strength and blessings to you.

  2. MrsCraft says:

    So sorry to hear of your loss, thinking of you. X x

  3. zdunno03 says:

    I am sorry to learn of your loss. At least he died at home with those he loved next to him. My thoughts are with you.

  4. koolaidmoms says:

    So very sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  5. Tony Antoni says:

    No one knows how it feels to lose someone so close, unless they have suffered that loss themselves. I can’t even imagine how it must feel. But I’m sure you have a little peace in knowing that he is no longer suffering. Nathan was a good man and fought a long, hard and tremendous battle. It was good that he had you by his side through all of this. My sincere condolences to you and your family.

  6. cindy knoke says:

    Oh my. I am so so sorry. You have been so brave and were such a comfort helping your husband and being by his side to the end. No one could ask for more love and loyalty than this. I am so sorry for your loss and your grief. I am sending you love, friendship and hope for brighter days as you adjust to your new life with Bear. Please email me privately if there is anything I can do to help you. Sending you love, care & concern.

  7. Nicky M says:

    There are no words I can say, just hugs. Take all the time you need to care for yourself now 🙂

  8. seedbud says:

    You are in my prayers. I am so, so sorry. Lean on Bear, he knows all the things your heart is saying that words can’t express. Sending love to you.

  9. A. Blake says:

    With deepest sympathy and condolences my virtual friend.

  10. neihtn2012 says:

    Blondie, so sorry to learn about this! I did not see your post when you published it in November, because I was in Viet Nam at that time and did not have a computer with me.

  11. I love you, honey. When I’ve had family and friend pass, I always find comfort in these words from Wordsworth:

    A simple Child,
    That lightly draws its breath,
    And feels its life in every limb,
    What should it know of death?

    I met a little cottage Girl:
    She was eight years old, she said;
    Her hair was thick with many a curl
    That clustered round her head.

    She had a rustic, woodland air,
    And she was wildly clad:
    Her eyes were fair, and very fair;
    —Her beauty made me glad.

    “Sisters and brothers, little Maid,
    How many may you be?”
    “How many? Seven in all,” she said,
    And wondering looked at me.

    “And where are they? I pray you tell.”
    She answered, “Seven are we;
    And two of us at Conway dwell,
    And two are gone to sea.

    “Two of us in the church-yard lie,
    My sister and my brother;
    And, in the church-yard cottage, I
    Dwell near them with my mother.”

    “You say that two at Conway dwell,
    And two are gone to sea,
    Yet ye are seven! I pray you tell,
    Sweet Maid, how this may be.”

    Then did the little Maid reply,
    “Seven boys and girls are we;
    Two of us in the church-yard lie,
    Beneath the church-yard tree.”

    “You run about, my little Maid,
    Your limbs they are alive;
    If two are in the church-yard laid,
    Then ye are only five.”

    “Their graves are green, they may be seen,”
    The little Maid replied,
    “Twelve steps or more from my mother’s door,
    And they are side by side.

    “My stockings there I often knit,
    My kerchief there I hem;
    And there upon the ground I sit,
    And sing a song to them.

    “And often after sun-set, Sir,
    When it is light and fair,
    I take my little porringer,
    And eat my supper there.

    “The first that died was sister Jane;
    In bed she moaning lay,
    Till God released her of her pain;
    And then she went away.

    “So in the church-yard she was laid;
    And, when the grass was dry,
    Together round her grave we played,
    My brother John and I.

    “And when the ground was white with snow,
    And I could run and slide,
    My brother John was forced to go,
    And he lies by her side.”

    “How many are you, then,” said I,
    “If they two are in heaven?”
    Quick was the little Maid’s reply,
    “O Master! we are seven.”

    “But they are dead; those two are dead!
    Their spirits are in heaven!”
    ’Twas throwing words away; for still
    The little Maid would have her will,
    And said, “Nay, we are seven!”

    ______________________________________

    They are always here. Always in our hearts. It’s just a temporary separation for you’ll be together again. Love…

    • blondie63 says:

      Wow that is cool! Thank you for sharing this! Xoxoxo. I will print it

      • It’s what has gotten me through so many deaths. It reminds me that they are never gone…just away from a while. I think that’s why it always brings me peace when I read it. Nothing makes it truly easier, but I’ve always found that this reassures me that it’s only temporary. Love you!

      • blondie63 says:

        It’s really hard when you lose your spouse! What’s sad is guys from work hit on me just shortly after his death. I was like are you fricken serious? I had a ring custom made so I won’t be bothered

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